Discovering Dissocia

• Theater Alliance
• May 27, 2014
• News
• 0 Comments

Hello, all!  My name is Karina Hilleard, and I feel incredibly blessed to be working with Theater Alliance on their upcoming production of Anthony Neilson’s The Wonderful World of Dissocia (WWD).

Dissocia really is a Wonderful World! And Lisa has discovered it. It’s truly astonishing.  It’s a wonderland, an Oz land – a childish, yet adult land full of sensation. I am playing Lisa Jones who is trying to cope with dissociative disorder, but not knowing it – more feeling that her life is out of balance, and she is just feeling a bit off. Dissocia is not a place you and I can experience together. It’s not even a place we can travel to, but Neilson’s writing allows us a rare insight into Lisa’s world when she is dissociative and when she is lucid.

My journey getting to know Lisa, thus far, has been astounding. Prior to learning about Neilson’s script, I am embarrassed to say that I knew little to nothing about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Colin (Hovde; co-director) and Nathaniel (Mendez; co-director) gifted us with four days of table work at the beginning of rehearsals, which was an incredible luxury and essential to dramaturgically understanding Neilson’s writing. Katie (Ryan; Dir. Education and Outreach) organised three guests to join us in rehearsals who have personal connections to DID or similar. Tracy Howard and Rachel Elise of the Sidran Traumatic Stress Institute – both guests are involved in DID education and advocacy and live with Dissociative Disorders themselves, next Annie Houston, a DC actor and friend of Theater Alliance.  Annie’s sister Maggie lives with schizoaffective disorder, and finally Dr. Richard Chefetz, a psychiatrist who works with DID patients. Hearing from all three perspectives really aided my ability to make strong, educated choices as a storyteller. DID is a coping mechanism for severe abuse or trauma suffered as a child. I think the most important thing I took from these meetings was how, if you can dissociate, ‘it is a gift,’ as Rachel Elise commented. That idea to me was the most heart-breaking part about understanding DID. A gift to forget trauma that makes you unable to function normally in reality – providing real challenges in living a normal life and then when learning that DID is preventable – it’s about how we treat people.
WWD encompasses so much, but ultimately for me it is about chaos and order, sensation and numbness, and the power of love.

I ask, is there anything worse than feeling… nothing?

We as humans crave to FEEL. Something. Anything! Even negative. I have encountered many challenges in trying to understand Lisa’s relationships in her reality (as we know it) compared to her dissociative world. As an actor, it is an emotional roller coaster, and I have to find myself in such extreme situations that I am visibly exhausted after but energized from such imaginative yet real work. The support network at Theater Alliance is wonderful – such a talented cast and supportive crew – really allowing me to live in Lisa’s world unafraid, which is exactly what Dissocia is for Lisa, most of the time – her safe space.

Lisa’s story is one we cannot wait to tell, and I am fascinated to see how our audiences respond. We are all surrounded by people who are suffering with DID on a daily basis, and we should be aware of it. Don’t miss this important work!